So I was loading up the last of the animals last week when I walk past my neighbor Roger, the Molech-worshipper. He looks up and says "Hey, looks like rain."
Now wondering if it was wrong to have borrowed Roger’s hedge clippers.
It’s been the same every day for the last two weeks, but then last night, our mama elephant gave birth. I’ll put up some pics soon.
Just look at this little guy. We need to name him something. Anybody have an idea?
Note to self: next time I’m on a long cruise and I want to play badminton and I only have one birdie, play below deck. I’m so stupid.
I hesitate to write this down, but here goes. . . .
I was working late last night when I felt something bite the back of my neck. Without thinking, I slapped it. Long story short, the new world might have to do without the zhingi-zhingi fly.
New Year’s Day. A few resolutions for this year:
- Lose weight (let’s face it, I’m not 300 years old anymore)
- Work out more
- Read the entire Bible (there’s only four chapters in the whole thing, you think I would have done this one already)
-After we land, once a week: date night with the missus.
Not to diss my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather, but I’ve been hanging out with animals a lot, too, and I think I would have named some of them differently…
ADAM’S NAME MY VERSION
You guys read this blog. You know I love my wife, right? But I swear, sometimes she just gets on my nerves.
"The roof is leaking, Noah."
"Noah, the sheep are soaking wet because the roof is leaking."
You know what? Sometimes Noah just needs a little Noah Time, okay?
Here’s an item from the "you-learn-something-every-day" category: Hippo lovemaking is very, very noisy. Haven’t slept in five days.
P.S. I counted every knot in the cypress wood of the ship: 12,946.
Somehow Ham keeps winning at UNO. Does he have a secret stash of Draw 4’s?
Correction: Earlier I wrote that the wood of our ship has 12,946 knots. However, I forgot to include the cover on the top deck. I included that, then recounted the entire thing three more times, just to be sure.
We have 14,598 knots.
Okay, so when God said he would make it rain forty days and forty nights, I assumed that we would be done after that. Apparently I was wrong.
Very, very wrong.
The wife says I’m getting paranoid, but I believe the primates are conspiring to mutiny. Can’t talk, more later.
We’ve landed on top of some kind of mountain. More later.
Sent out a dove, but it came back.
This time, the dove came back with an olive branch. Going now to ask the wife if she has any recipes with doves and olives.
Sent the dove out again today to bring back some more olives for dinner, but it didn’t come back. So good news is we may be off the boat and onto dry land soon. Bad news: Mrs. Noah’s Greek Dove Souffle is a no-go.
So we’re on land now. Yay! Big thanks to everybody who wrote to check on us. BTW, my new e-mail address is email@example.com. I’ll still post from time to time, to keep you guys up to date. To answer a question that so many of you have asked, no, I don’t have a MySpace page yet.
Man, I could really use a drink.
Here’s something my grandson Cush wrote for a school assignment. . . .
by Cush, age 7
My dad, his first name is Ham, was on a big boat one time. They floated around for more than a year. That’s a long time!! They said when they got off the boat, the ground was really squishy. YUCK! We still have the boat and I play in it sometimes and have lots of fun.
Noah’s Favorite Drinks
Cranberry juice 1 pim
Orange juice 1 pim
Strawberry schnapps 1 pim
Vodka 1 pim
Add the vodka and strawberry schnapps to a highball glass filled with ice cubes. Use equal parts of cranberry and orange juice to fill the glass. Serve with a straw.
Mt. Ararat Iced Tea
Tequila 1 shekel
Vodka 1 shekel
Gin 1 shekel
Triple sec 1 shekel
Coke 1 shekel
Rum 1 shekel
Mix ingredients together over ice in a glass.
Creme De Noya 1 pim
Midori 1 pim
White Creme De Cacao 1 pim
Pour into shot glass in said order
Everybody’s been writing me, asking for blueprints. Honestly, I didn’t have any. If you’ve read the story, you know everything about building an ark that I do. I will say this: don’t skimp on the pitch. Seriously.
Thanks to everyone who’s been sending in pics of the arks they’ve built (see below). Keep ‘em coming!
About Noah’s Blog
Because of Noah’s righteousness, God chose him to be part of an incredible adventure. You can read more about him in Genesis, chapters 5-9.
Answering a vague--and badly misspelled--post on craigslist, Matthew became a part of making Noah’s story into the blog you’re reading now.