QUESTION: I need help understanding how to interpret my Iraqi prisoners’ behavior. My problem is that I don’t know how to react when they annoy me. I’m sure there are many minor infractions that a Christian world leader should just ignore. At other times, immediate discipline seems necessary. But I’m not sure I’ll react in the right way on the spur of the moment.
&mdash W.

DR. DOBSON: Obviously, the first thing you have to do is determine the Iraqis’ intent, their feelings and their thoughts. Is there evidence that the Iraqis are challenging your authority? The more blatant their defiance, the more critical it is to respond with decisiveness.
      When citizens of a Middle Eastern country scream obscenities at a Christian occupying power, they have moved into the realm of willful defiance. As the words imply, it is a deliberate act of disobedience that occurs when the internees know what the Americans want, but they clench their fists, dig in their heels and prepare for battle. When this kind of nose-to-nose confrontation occurs between captured insurgents and their authority figures, your godly leadership is on the line.
      For specific disciplining techniques, check out my book The New Dare to Discipline.

QUESTION: Should I be punishing my strong-willed president for every little thing he does wrong? I’d be on his back every minute of the day.
&mdash Tim LaH.

DR. DOBSON: I am NOT suggesting that you be oppressive in dealing with everyday behavior. The issues that should get your attention are those that deal with respect for you as the primary “behind the scenes” operator of his presidency. When he is defiant, sassy and disobedient, you should confidently and firmly step in and lead. After making it clear what is expected, and the president still refuses to obey, a mild slap on the hands while saying “No” will usually discourage repeat episodes. If the misbehavior continues, take away his Rold Gold pretzels for a time. My book The Strong-Willed Child is chock full of examples on how to curb his defiant behavior.

QUESTION: How can I acquaint my son with the need for responsible behavior throughout his life? He is desperately in need of this understanding.
&mdash Poppy

DR. DOBSON: One important objective during the pre-presidency period is to teach a child that actions have inevitable consequences. One of the most serious casualties in a permissive society is the failure to connect those two factors, behavior and consequences.
      For instance, a child sleeps through all his classes, but his school makes allowances for his lineage and takes no action. All through childhood, loving parents seem determined to intervene between behavior and consequences, breaking the connection and preventing the valuable learning that could and should have occurred. I hope my book Bringing Up Boys can bring you advice and encouragement during this difficult time. On the other hand, it’s not like he went AWOL or anything.

QUESTION: Can you give us a guideline for how much work a president should be given to do?
&mdash Dick

DR. DOBSON: There should be a healthy balance between work and play. Many world leaders of the past had daily chores that made life pretty difficult. Early in the morning and again after work they would draft legislation, meet with world leaders, debate public policy and go to boring summit meetings. Little time was left for fun, and world domination became a pretty drab experience. That was an extreme position, and I certainly don’t favor its return. Contrast that workaday responsibility with liberals today that require nothing of their world leaders. Both extremes, as usual, are harmful to world leadership. Giving him an exposure to responsibility and work, but preserving time for play and fun can help him find the logical middle ground. I know this is a difficult balancing act, which is why I hope my book Parenting Isn’t for Cowards will prove to be a valuable help here.

QUESTION: My 58-year-old husband has become increasingly lazy over the past couple of years. He lies around the White House and will sleep half a day on Saturday. He complains about being tired a lot. Is this typical of first-term presidents? How should I deal with it?
&mdash Laura

DR. DOBSON: It is not uncommon for world leaders to experience fatigue during their first years in office. After a contentious election campaign, their mental resources are suddenly being invested in a rapid growth process, leaving less energy for other activities. This period doesn’t last very long and is usually followed by the most energetic time of life.
      I would suggest, first, that you schedule your husband for a routine physical examination to rule out the possibility of a more serious explanation for his fatigue. Your husband is turning overnight from a governor to a world leader. Some of the mental characteristics you are observing are part of the transformation. Do everything you can to facilitate it. Additional pointers can be found in my book Preparing for Adolescence: How to Survive the Coming Years of Change.

Dr. Dobson is president of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, Colo. 80903; or www.family.org

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